Pure Morning
by shady gurl
Summary: How much longer could he deny Charlie the one thing he wanted to know? JackCharlie


**Title:** Pure Morning

**Pairing:** Charlie/Jack

**Rating:** Pg13

**Warnings:** Slash, Angst…urm…implications of character death:hide:

**Feedback?** Yea sure! This is my first dabble with lost fiction, so any critiscm is welcomed: D

**Notes: **This is my first shot at both writing in the lost fandom and something that isn't fluff. And also thank you to drummergroupie for being a fantastic beta!

**Pure Morning**

"Jack...? I think it might be soon," Charlie whispered. The night breeze and the crashing waves made him almost impossible to hear. But Jack heard.

Jack captured Charlie's chin with his thumb and forefinger and turned it to face him. It was night time and the fire cracked and burned casting them both in golden shadows. His face glowed and flickered as bright as the sun, even brighter on occasions when it was just those pale blue eyes that concealed no indifference.

"No, it's not soon. I promise you that, Charlie," he whispered back just as quietly.

Charlie smiled weakly and regretfully and placed his hand on top of Jack's, tracing the fingers that gripped his chin. "I'm not one of your patients, Jack. You can tell me how long I have."

"No, you're not," Jack agreed and cast his eyes downward. How many times had Charlie asked him this same question? How many times had he refused to answer with such a simple look away? How much longer could he deny Charlie the one thing he wanted to know?

"Charlie." Jack swallowed hard and looked up. He stretched his fingers across Charlie's cheek and stroked his jaw gently as if he was only a china doll. "I love you." Charlie's hand was warm against his, warmer than a fire could ever make him feel physically or within, but as he said it he knew that fires could be smothered by the wind, extinguished with just a slight breeze until all that remains is the past. "God, I love you."

"Don't…" Charlie whispered, pleaded, his eyes searching Jack's as he leant forward. "Don't say you love me when you actually mean goodbye."

"I didn't…"

"Just. Don't. I need you to be here with me, not keep things away from me."

"Charlie I haven't…"

"Please, Jack. Don't keep this away from me, I want to know. I need to know." He leaned forward just enough so his lips brushed Jack's. "Please, Jack do this for me?" His voice so thin and tired and quiet, it was so unlike the Charlie he met on the beach all that time ago. It was almost hard to believe he was the same person.

Jack ducked his head, his breath warm against Charlie's cold and pale cheek. The fire burned pleasantly before him, wavering back and forth in the breeze, embers glowing faintly and branches nearly burnt to the cinder. He closed his eyes and felt tears stick to his lashes.

"I…Charlie I don't know if I can…" He swallowed past the lump in his throat, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks. "When you're fine, when you're in no pain, like this - like now - you could have all the time in the world Charlie." His voice broke into a strained whisper as Charlie's arms wrapped around him, like he was the one breathing the last breath; needed to be held and cared for. "But when…when your not. When you're not like this, when you're…"

"Dying?" Charlie offered in a voice that was almost calm, almost too composed and knowledgeable that it scared Jack; and he stiffened in Charlie's arms, blinking glossy eyes and staring at the man who held him. Who he loved and would swap places with, without a seconds thought. But deep down he knew he couldn't save him. Miracles didn't happen.

"No. I'm not going to let that happen to you, Charlie. I'm going to get you off this island, your going to live and grow old and…" Jack almost believed what he said. Almost.

"And what, Jack? Don't make promises you know you can't keep. Not to me. Please, not to me."

Jack didn't respond. The fire was dying down, he could tell by the way the glowing embers smouldered only every so often now and how the smoke was to fair to see. Even in the dark before it rose above the mountains, a beacon for anyone who was looking.

Jack's voice broke the stillness, the words he spoke a far off whisper. He knew it was the truth - the cold hard truth - but it only made it that much harder to cope. Only God knows what it must be like for Charlie, to hear Jack whisper those words he had been waiting to hear for so long, dreading.

"I don't know." Jack turned glassy eyes to Charlie; his body trembling beneath the other mans touch. "I don't know if I can get you off this island Charlie, if I can get you to a hospital and treat you properly. I don't know…" He swallowed thickly, blinking away the sting in his eyes. "I don't know how long...if you are…" And then he felt it, a single tear rolling down his cheek. Charlie wiped it away with a thumb, his hand cupping Jack's face delicately, lovingly. Jack chewed his lip and closed his eyes, wet tears streaking his face no matter how many times Charlie brushed them away. "I don't know how much longer you have. I'm so sorry," he added quickly and looked up.

Under the haze of his tears, he saw Charlie smile at him despite what he was saying. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I can't save you. I just… just can't. Not here!" It was hard for him to speak. His throat was dry and hot and burned with every word he spoke. It hurt to tell the truth.

"I'm sorry," Jack whispered again, and was tugged gently so his head rested on Charlie's chest. Fingers threaded through his hair as he listened to Charlie's breathing, ragged and slow, his head rising and falling in sync with his chest. Slower than yesterday or the day before and the day before that.

Jack felt the tell tale trails of tears against his skin and soak into the cotton of Charlie's t-shirt. He looked up, cheeks damp and glistening, eyes searching Charlie's in the dim light of the fire and what he saw made his heart swell and constrict. Painful.

"Charlie…" Jack murmured and leaned just that bit closer, capturing Charlie's thin lips in a delicate, loving kiss, and only when they broke apart, he realised Charlie had been crying as well and kissed them away with feather light touches. Charlie's forehead leaned heavily against his own as his eyes fluttered closed and then opened again, listening to Charlie breathe against his face.

"Jack, listen to me…"

And he did until the last tear was shed and the last word was spoken. Jack held Charlie just as tightly, comfortingly, for Charlie's benefit as much as his own. All through the night he kept Charlie's back pressed against his chest - just to feel his hair and the back of his neck, the warmth and the sound of his raspy breathing. He was afraid that if he let the man he loved go, then he would just vanish, like the ashes of a sombre fire blown away with the wind.

That morning when Jack awoke it was silent. The wind whispered promises of the past and cruelly blew the ashes of the fire around the camp. That morning Charlie never awoke but his words survived for Jack. Words of promises, of hope and of love.

_Jack listen to me. _

_You said you couldn't save me, but don't you see that you already have? You saved me from a fate worse than death. Without you and your strength behind me I wouldn't have had the will to finish with the drugs! You saved me from myself Jack and I thank you. _

_You must know that none of this is your fault. I knew the risks. But I want you to know that I'm happy. I'm more than happy from being with you. Going on that plane was the best thing that has ever happened to me, Jack. It brought me to you and that's more than I could have ever wished for. _

_I want you to promise me something. Promise me you will survive, that you will never give up even when it seems to hard to. No matter what happens…how hopeless… I want you to go on. I want you to live for the both of us Jack._

_Nothing can stop me from loving you. Not even death. _

_I love you._

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